Dadmobiles: The Perfect Vehicle for the Perfect Father’s Day
All right, dads, it’s that time of year again. Prepare yourself for the onslaught of gaudy ties, tech gadgets, novelty socks, ironic t-shirts, and “World’s Greatest Dad” coffee mugs.
You may have told your family that you wanted nothing for Father’s Day, or perhaps you said “cash” (they always mistake that for a joke!), but this never seems to satisfy your loved ones. So you end up with another singing fish on your wall.
What if that changed? Imagine for a moment that your family ran into a sizeable fortune and a genius designer and decided to buy you a highly-specialized dream car that exceeded your wildest fantasies and knocked those novelty socks right off your feet?
We’ve imagined some “Dadmobiles” that we think will perfectly match the personalities of many readers. Take a look to see which Dadmobile suits you.
The 1977 Millenium Falcon Ferrari
This vintage car may be a little rough around the edges, but you won’t believe the speeds this baby can hit. The world will become a blur as you fly through the streets with the Force on your side. We recommend adding the optional Laser & Blaster package to clear out the traffic ahead on your daily commute.
(Optional first-mate Wookie package is also available for qualifying customers. )
Price: This car can only be obtained by winning a game of cards with Lando.
The Sports-Friendly Subaru
GOOOOOOOOO DADS! This SUV is perfect for the dad who wants to hit as many football, baseball, basketball, hockey, soccer, Nascar, or disc-golf games as humanly possible. Did you forget about that big Georgia game today? No problem! This SUV is not only big enough to let you roll over any smaller cars that get in your way as you go to the stadium, it also has a built-in grill, mini-fridge, and condiment bar that allows you to tailgate at the toss of a coin. Folding mirrors inside the car discreetly hide a full face-paint palette, and wi-fi connected monitors inside the vehicle allow you to quickly check scores or make changes to your Fantasy teams.
(Do not use your Fantasy features while driving. You could crash—or accidentally draft Tom Brady.)
Price: 1/100th of Alex Rodriguez’s annual salary.
The Huntin’, Campin’, Fishin’ Ford
This is the ultimate flatbed truck for the man who just wants to disappear into the woods for a couple of days (or weeks) to get in touch with nature through securing quality deer meat. This big ole’ truck has enough horsepower to get through the most rugged terrain, and the flatbed hides gun racks, fishing pole racks, firewood stacks, and a meat dehydrator perfect for making deer jerky. The horn can be altered to make duck calls, bird calls, or catcalls (if a cute camper happens to wander nearby). The only downside? The truck still needs gas, so sooner or later you’ll have to leave the woods to fill her up.
Price: A truckload of pelts and jerky and one live Jackalope.
The Gadget GT
This snazzy little sports car has everything a gadget-loving dad could ask from a car. Running late for work? Use the built-in coffeemaker for a steaming cup o’ joe. Shoes looking dull? The Gadget will shine them for you as you drive. Forget to shave? Keep your eyes on the road while the Gadget gets rid of that pesky stubble (don’t make any sharp turns while the razor is near your throat). Need an opening joke for your big meeting? The voice-command system will quickly sift through only the funniest puns. Phones and computers are obviously built in. The only hard part will be functioning after you get out of the car for the rest of the day.
Price: Gadget did the calculations already and you can’t afford it.